Slimgenics, formerly Slim-4-Life is a highly structured diet program. They tell you what to eat, when to eat it, and how to prepare it. The list of food is easy to follow. Hell, it’s not that hard to memorize. In fact, I can summarize the food list in two words: NOT MUCH.
Here’s the gist. They give you a list of foods that covers less than one 8.5x11 page. It tells you things like you can have grapes, but only the green ones; no onions, just scallions; green and red bell peppers, but not yellow peppers, and no Anaheim or poblano chiles; no pork of any kind; salmon, but only once a week. You have to visit the office to weigh in and have your food diary approved three times a week, and you’d better HOPE you lose weight every visit. A two-day stall or GOD FORBID a weight gain will be followed by even MORE food restrictions in the name of a “cleanse.”
Seriously. I’m talking about a mandate to eat nothing but 2
eggs for breakfast, then 8 ounces of chicken breast and 2 cups of Italian
parsley for lunch and dinner for three days.
I can’t even begin to express how horrible that is.
One day, after weeks of consistent weight loss and fairly
strict adherence to the list of foods, and confessed that I’d eaten a large
muffin the day before.
My counselor took my menu from me and crossed off my milk
and fruit (The only parts of the day worth waiting for at that point) for the
next two days. Not as a “punishment” she said, but to help cleanse the muffin
out of my system.
I cried. I’m a full grown adult and I cried over giving up
an 8 oz glass of skim milk and a handful of strawberries (which I don’t even
like). I was already barely functioning on the food I was allowed. I was
teaching kids karate and studying for my brown belt for 2-3 hours every day. I
earned every one of those damn strawberries. I earned the muffin, too. I don’t
know why any adult would sign up to have someone treat them like that.
Slimgenics is a minefield of dos and don’ts. The only thing
you’re allowed to eat without measuring is raw green vegetables. As long as
they aren’t peas. Peas are a no-no. And peppers other than bell peppers.
I wrote in the green tea I drink almost daily, and was
regularly given the 3rd degree. Tea? What kind? What brand? What
kind of a bottle does it come in?
It’s tea. You put a bag of leaves into hot water and drink
it. I’m sure you’ve heard of this phenomenon.
Why was the list so restrictive? Why green grapes and not
red grapes? The counselors have three answers for any question: Fat, sugar,
sodium. As far as I can tell, they just mix and match them.
Why can’t I have pork loin? Fat.
It’s lower in fat than the chicken breasts you keep telling
me to eat. Sodium.
It’s got half the sodium of turkey breast. *blank stare* The system works if you follow
it.
Well, of course it does, you’ve got me eating 900 calories a
day.
Why can’t I roast some Anaheim chiles, mix them with my
creamy chicken soup Thermosnack and have homemade green chili? Sugar.
Really? You think they’re more sugar in a chile than a green
bell pepper? Do you know how these things work?
But don’t forget your Thermosnacks. Remember the
sawdust-and-despair flavored foods from the Medifast review? Paste a different
label on them, mark them up about 40%, and you’ve got the centerpiece of the
Slimgenics plan: Thermosnacks.
Does it work? Of
course it works, see above for 900 calories per day. But who can keep that up
for the long run? I lost 40 lbs in 5 months. I also gained it back in about 6
months when I gave up, and I do mean gave up. I told them I didn’t have the
energy for karate on their diet. They told me I should quit karate. I told them
I was hungry all the time. They acted like that was a GOOD thing. I understand
if you actually make your goal, they have some kind of a transitional maintenance
plan, but I’ve never met anyone who actually got there.
Basically, they
get you to starve yourself for as long as you can, and if you can’t do it, they
punish you.
Not fun.
Is it easy to
use? No. You have to prepare all your own food, and even if you’re used to
cooking for yourself, it’s a lot of measuring and weighing. You have to eat
certain things, and there are no substitutes. One time, the only fruit I had
access to was a banana. I chose to skip my fruit rather than have the dreaded
off-list banana and risk their wrath. Well, what do you know, I got a scolding
for THAT, too. Apparently, only THEY were allowed to take my fruit away. When I
asked which is the better choice: eating the off-list fruit or missing a fruit
serving for the day, I was told “You can’t let that happen. You have to be
prepared for that eventuality.” I’m sorry, but sometimes, plans don’t work out.
That’s life.Their commercials will tell you that you can even eat out! Well, you can eat out if you’re comfortable channeling Meg Ryan from “When Harry Met Sally” dialed to eleven. I’m not talking about “I’ll have what she’s having” Meg Ryan. I’m talking “On the side” Meg Ryan. If you want to eat out with this diet, you have to be very comfortable with special orders.
“I’d like the veggie frittata made with egg whites, with only the red and green peppers, no yellow, no onions, unless they’re green onions, then only 2 tablespoons of onion, and no cheese.”
What would you like on the side?
Water. And despair.
Is it expensive? Oh HELLS yes! I paid over $3000 up front for my weight loss plan. You have to pay a flat sum at the beginning based on how much weight you have to lose. There’s no month-to-month plan, and no trial period. You’re either in or you’re out. And no wonder. If I had known what a soul-crushing experience it was going to be, I would never have signed up. On top of the weight loss fee, you have to buy the Thermosnacks. Plus, they expect you to buy their vitamins, and their metabolic booster drink (basically fruit-flavored caffeine), and their fish oil supplements. I’ve spent a lot on diets over the years, but I can’t think of a single one I wasted more money on than Slimgenics. If I ever feel the need to make tear-water tea, I can just go look at my old Slimgenics receipts. I’m sure the total is over $5,000, and I wouldn’t be surprised if it were more.
Taste? Well, you
are at least eating real food most of the time, but it’s the exact same real
food over and over and over again. Oh, and did I mention you’re not allowed to
use salt? Yeah, there’s that. You get ½ teaspoon of Morton Light Salt every
day. That’s it. If you’re a fan of even moderately good food, or god forbid, a
good cook, you’re going to be spending every day in purgatory.
Bottom line: I
can’t say enough bad things about this diet plan. You get starvation-level
calories, severely limited food choices and you have to pay a fortune UP FRONT
for the privilege of having a counselor with no apparent training in dietetics,
nutrition or counselling berate you for making perfectly sensible choices.
If you want to
torture yourself, try a juice cleanse. You’ll get the same effect, without the
bitchy counselors, and for a fraction of the price.
